Monthly Archives: September 2011


“To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under Heaven,
a time to be born, and a time to die,
a time to plant, and a time to pluck that which was planted…
a time to tear, and a time to sew,
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak…”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-7 (The Maxwell’s leadership bible)

The story you are about to read is Based on a True story (yes leave it like that). It is still a true story. I have shared this story with just one person of recent and summarized it briefly to about a gathering of 11. Today, however, for the sake of posterity, I shall share it here on my blog.

The date was October 3rd 2003.

That was all I remembered.

Rewinding back a bit, I’m back in UNIBEN and had just finished from my routine dance rehearsals with FLAMES. I couldn’t rehearse properly because I was feeling feverish and so I left for my room located off campus (osasogie for those who know Uniben). The next day was a Saturday and still having signs of the fever, I proceeded to my friend’s house in town for proper medical care seeing as they are all doctors in the house. As God will have it, I got to the gate of the house, pressed the bell and slumped.

Everything written from this point is as I was told.

I was found on the floor foaming from the mouth and was rushed to the University of Benin Teaching Hospital (UBTH). I spent 8 days in the hospital with my family by my side and all this while, I was connected to an oxygen ‘machine’ (actually, a gas cylinder with a pipe leading to my nose/mouth). I couldn’t recognize anyone. My mum daily reading bible passages to me. She never left my side. And on the 7th day, it happened. All vital signs ceased. I was wheeled into the emergency ward and 2 hours later certified dead. Yup. D-E-A-D!. My dad was called to the doctor’s office and told this news, he wept like a baby but had to man up and tell my mum, my elder brother and sister as well as my kid sis. As I type this now, I realize how hard this must have been for him and I’m shaking all over, Tears are actually forming in my eyes. My mum screamed and wailed “No! NO! NOOOO!!!”
Meanwhile, I was put in a body bag enroute the morgue. My brother (steveHarris) told me later on that he requested to see me and he and my elder sister came to where I lay lifeless and cried their eyes out while muttering short prayers. That same day, the Union of Doctors embarked on a nationwide strike and being a federal hospital, UBTH had to join in. a circular was released to the effect of families coming to relocate their loved ones to other hospitals. My parents had to move their son in a body bag back to Lagos for burial.

8 hours after, the death certificate was prepared. (I should take a picture of it someday). The room where I lay was open. A nurse was passing by and then she let out a loud scream. The body bag was moving! My folks ran in and there I was gasping for air..i was immediately put back on oxygen and the emotions all around were better experienced, unfortunately, I missed out and as such can’t explain it here explicitly. This oxygen contained in a small gas cylinder was going to last just a short while and all doctors were on strike. (only student doctors-in-training were present) I had to be moved to lagos asap. Long story short, I was arranged to be transferred to Havana hospital and getting to berger in Lagos, the oxygen finished. Yup. I died again. No breathing, no nothing. I was in the back seat lying between my mum and a student doctor (my fellowship pastor) who had accompanied us at the risk of losing his medical status if anything went wrong. With major traffic at Berger, we got to Havana specialist hospital after about 45mins. I was told that I opened my eyes as we got to the entrance of the hospital. Another miracle, right? I stayed at Havana for 3 months. Actually, I was in a coma for 3 months and all that time, my mum and family never left my side. (well, my lil sis had to go write GCE sha 😀 )

After all was said and done, I was diagnosed as having “Viral Encephalitis” (my knowledge of medicine is lame so..¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ ) but it has to do with inflammation of the brain and causes memory loss etc (I couldn’t recognize people after treatment so I had my friend go everywhere with me in school to avoid ‘that awkward moment when someone says, “Kelvin, whats up?” And I’m like “do I know you?”)
I was also taught to walk again because I was bed ridden for 3 months. Dammit my leg muscles were dead. I have a scar on the right part of my head, where my skull was drilled to access some liquid in my spine or something. At the point of discharge, we were told some sad news.

“those who survive Viral encephalitis are prone to some form of permanent disability. Blindness, deafness, or body paralysis”..well not my portion and definitely not me. Nothing of that sort happened to me but then again, that must have been how I lost my mind.. 😀

Now, to the essence of this post.

I Thank God for keeping me and no one needed to tell me to give my life to Him afterall, He had proven that whatever is kept in His hands, He’s able to keep. Yes, like Mr Virgin ‘toxic’. I’m proudly Team Jesus all the way. Now, that ‘death experience’ made me better. Gave me more reason to live. For there to be life, there has to be death. Where am I going with this?

I’m quitting this blog.

I’m not closing it down like I wanted to but I’m officially off till whenever..(I started blogging when I read NaijaFineboy’s blog. Though he doesn’t blog again, he didn’t close it)…you can view it here , so there’s the possibility someone might read this someday and be inspired.

Here’s my reason though: there are so many blogs out there and we can’t deny that quality has become questionable. Content is drab and we now have nothing to write on but Twitter and about people on twitter. To a large extent, I KNOW that I contributed to this phenom and I’m not in any way pleased about it. Allowing my personal life on there was a big lesson (which I’ve learnt) and even the “In the NEWS” section of my blog still contains IMO low content and quality. I know I’m better than this. I would rather associate myself with good writers under one blog (like Afrosays or The Naked Convos) rather than churn out stuff not ‘tight’ enough. This is a time to better myself, sit at the feet of the masters and learn.

You may wonder how quitting my blog will aid or stop this. Well it may not, heck! No one will even notice BUT I will always feel good knowing I wasn’t part of the problem but among those who sought a solution, and what better way to spew better posts than bettering oneself?

I do hope to feature on blogs as Guest whenever I’m invited. (invite me please) I must apologise to all those who may frown at this decision but I plead that you allow me do this for me. For those who have sent me posts for ‘Sunday Guest’, I’m so sorry. I can forward them to any blogger friends of mine if you desire..*sigh*™

Ah well, this is my swan song. Hopefully, others who are ‘contaminating’ Blogsville will realize their folly and take a cue. While everyone is entitled to write whatever, do so with creativity, writing skill, love and respect. But even if they don’t, those with quality blogs will yet again shine through.

I ‘resurrected’ after three months back then in 2003 and came back better, it could happen again.

And oh! This doesn’t make me the ‘sacrificial lamb’ oh. I’m definitely not trying to be a martyr (is that spelt right?) Or ‘die’ for anyone’s ‘sins’..I’m just doing what my heart and head tell me to do now.

“…except a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone: but if it dies, it produces much grain…” John 12:24


Posted by on September 11, 2011 in Life


In The NewS IV

“Its time for the news o! where is that boy? Has anyone seen KWAL?”
“Sir, he hasn’t come to work since Saturday”
“Since SATURDAY?!!! Who is going to cast the news then?”
“Sir, we have options. There’s MissJailer, There’s Abuka and there’s GossiperGirly”
“Mtscheeew!!! I don’t want any of them. Get me “THE MAN!”
“*gasps* Sir, but THE MAN has retired!”
“I don’t care if he’s tired, tiring or trying to retire. GET HIM!”

Good Morning, Afternoon, Evening and welcome to your someday someday Tonic. My name is PhrankOlizer and I have been drafted in to read the news in the absence of your regular host KWAL. Please note that the management of this station has declared KWAL wanted. Any information about his whereabouts should please be reported to the nearest err…station?!
Welcome again…You sure don’t want to miss this. Here are some of the Major stories for this edition.

Under 25 night driving banned
Hoeliver Twisting banned
Price of Ugwu skyrockets as a result of scandal.
State of emergency declared on Blogsville

We’ll be back after this message from our sponsors.

*#np Chigurl’s Enigma…”don’t be a weist…”

Welcome back.

The Resident and supposed Commando in chief of the Federal republic of 9ja, Dr GridLock JoorOh has been rumored to have introduced a new rule banning people under the age of 25 from driving at night. Our information sources revealed that this rule was necessitated after the resident’s convoy was involved in a near fatal car accident on the ever busy Asokoro road in Abuja. The resident was returning from a night out with the ‘boys’ in celebration of the recent release of 9ja footballer Micah obi’s father.
Riding in Micah’s Range Rover sport, it was reported that Mr Micah had had too much to drink and swerved the car while trying to avoid a pothole thus crashing into the road divider. We got this audio recording from one of the residents aides showing what ensued after:

Resident: “Micah, are you mad? You want to kill me? Are you high?”
Micah: “Your excellency..i ’m … I’m sorry! Blame it on the alcohol”
Resident: “in this drama, you’re still quoting Kanye?”
Micah: “Jamie Foxx actually sir!”
Resident: “You must be high. Shey the Chelsea is worrying you?”
Micah: “Sir, lets not bring my club into this..please”
Resident: *turns to his wingman* “Amadi can you imagine this boy o?”
Micah: “ Sir, I was just trying to dribble past the pothole on your road”
Resident: “Dribble? DRIBBLE? When last did you dribble past anything in your life? Your own is to be carrying ball back”
Micah: “Sir, I shall not stand here and listen to you insult my skills, I am going to sit down.”
Resident: “I’m sure those skills involve inability to score a goal in 4 years” *laughs and hi5’s Amadi*
Micah: “I have had it..i’m walking away!”
Resident: “come back here small boy!”
Amadi: “hahahaa..he’s joking sir, just quoting Craig david.”
*Micah enters car and drives off*
Resident *transfixed* “Amadi, ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME…”
Amadi: “Eminem and Rihanna sir, nice one!”
Resident: “You’re just foolish. Get me the national rule book. I have a new rule to enforce”

So people, that is the inside scoop on the origin of this new rule. Don’t ask me if Micah is under 25. His father has been released, go and ask him.

In more Ban news, the recent musical released from the stables of MOreHeaT titled “Hoeliver Twisting” has been canned by the NBC. Haha! NBC, Canned 😀 ..get it? Yes? 🙂 No? 😦 ok 😐 …The song was banned for various reasons among which are:

Content: we hear that the the lyrics of the song which depict D’bangs desire and intention towards some women were frowned at by these women. Our correspondent reveals that Bee said “who is stopping D’bang from being with me? He better come now before i become the best he never had.” As a result of much confusion, the lyrics are being worked on as we speak by master poet D’prinz

Video: The trouser worn by DonJasi was considered not fit for viewing pleasure as it looked like it was something borrowed out of LuClays Pyjamas closet,
Also, In the background was a paused PS3 game between Arsenal and Man UTD with the score at 0-0. This was also considered misleading and false. A petition was sent to the NBC by ManUtd stating that ” the default scoreline in any match between the two sides should be 8-2″
Lastly, lots of people are reported to have injured themselves while attempting to record their own Twisting videos. The latest victim being Man City’s Samir Nasri who broke his hand while attempting to do some. Kraze Brown type hand movement ish.

*who writes these things? What on earth is ish?*
Cameraman: “Issue sir!”

In Twitter news, Saturday’s seem to bring out the best of tweeps. This Saturday was no exception as another ‘scandal’ seemed to rock the Twitterverse. The main characters in this drama were Slim, TBN and k..wait! WHAT? KWAL? Our own KWAL? Oh my! Our correspondent TheGuttedPrince who always has his nose in these scandals reports that all hell broke loose when TBN who happened to have been ‘dumped’ out of CaptainPanda’s P-setting class tweeted thus:

“Wait! When Slim cheated on me & left me for KWAL, she let the whole world know! Now that they have split, no blog???” (E can pain sha. Choi!!!)

Before you could scream “Ugwu”, it was everywhere and Slim and KWAL begun trending again (for the wrong reasons eh?). Anyway, its no wonder KWAL has gone AWOL. He’s probably hiding his head under some rock somewhere.. As usual, different theories flew left, right and center and KWAL decided to keep mute. He did however send a text message to his guy ‘Terror’ who leaked it to us for a tube of lube. The text read: “I shall not engage in mudslinging ‘cos I have much respect for mud!” Deeper revelations show that his BIS abi BBWEEK must have expired. KWAL is just a Broke ass, spineless, i-have-shit-in-my-pants Mo’fo. WAIT!! Who wrote this news?

**commotion in newsroom, man dashes into studio, pushes PhrankOlizer off seat*

Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is VickDaFreshPrince and I have a confession. Yes. There was a 3rd guy involved. O_O Don’t believe everything you read on your timeline. This whole thing is one big jersey shore drama and its deeper than you think you know…*evil laugh* You think Slim will just blog and expose herself like that? You think KWAL has become ‘popular’ by mistake? You think its normal that KWAL and Slim are still friends after it all? Oh c’mon. You think KWAL and TBN didn’t plan this shit? I even have a picture of them (which I took) to prove it. (don’t make me leak it). I am the 3rd guy in this trinity..infact, I am actually the first. KWAL is just a serial home wrecker. This is a script written a long long looong time ago. I kid you not. Since the punk ass, silence-is-the-best-answer-for-a-cry-baby-so-i-wont-say-a-thing KWAL won’t say a thing, I, in my awesomeness have taken this load upon myself and will hereby reveal to you all the ‘TRUE 411″ #no419

For more information.

*drops mic and walks out*

*PhrankOlizer re-enters* well guys you heard the man…

To end the news today, before some other mad hatter runs in here. I’m too old for this shit.

A state of emergency has been declared in Blogsville as it has been discovered that anything you blog can be used against you on Twitter. This has resulted in some popular bloggers taking a back seat to avoid the lash and stoning from the thirsty, stone-in-hand tweeps. We would like to remind our viewers that generalizations are dangerous. There still are some wonderful writers out there and a few bad eggs shouldn’t define the whole. And remember, if you have a Twitter account and enjoy cursing bloggers, be careful because you are also referring to yourself.
According to Wikipedia, “Twitter is an online social networking and MICROBLOGGING service that enables its users to send and read text based posts of up to 140 characters” 😀

That wraps it up for the news ladies and Gentlemen. Remember to live in peace and love with each other. Till KWAL returns from his Ugwu hibernation…

*VickDaFreshPrinz storms in again*


Posted by on September 8, 2011 in News RoundUp


Tags: , , , , ,

ThE 411

😀 *sitting on rocking chair, cuban in mouth #ImaBawse* Gotcha! Didn’t I? Oh the thirst! This is me just feeling your pulse…You’re still scrolling down? Nothing here..YET…you can run along now. See you soon.
*puffs out* 😀


Posted by on September 5, 2011 in Uncategorized