Monthly Archives: May 2010


>Dear You,

This is the first time that I’m writing to you [and in fact to be honest, this is the first time that I’m writing anybody] but I’ve been trying so hard to reach you and this is a last resort.

The reason I’ve been trying so hard is that I have a very important message for you. Listen, I want you to take this seriously, but also…I…I really don’t know how to put this is easy terms. So I’ll just say it like it is okay?

You are dying.

I’m sorry; forgive my rudeness I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t introduced myself. I am YOU. Yes I know it’s shocking to get a letter from yourself but like I said, I’ve tried every other method to catch your attention and now have to resort to this.

I am you – or more accurately, Y.O.U.

What was that you asked? Who exactly am I? But I told you before – Oh! I didn’t tell you what Y.O.U stands for – my apologies. I am Your Own Uniqueness…

I’m the reason you’re not a clone.

Although you try so hard to make me go away. And judging by how much you purposely try and resemble EVERYBODY else in your age and social groups – I’d say you’re also trying very hard to be a clone…but get this –

You are dying.

Do you understand that? I know that over the years you have built a mechanism to hear those words but refuse to understand or dwell on the concept, so I want you to pause and really understand what I am telling you – You. Are. Dying

There is nothing you can do to stop it. No way to avoid it. As sure as there is a sun in the sky. You Will Die. And it has already begun, with every passing day…

We have so little time so please quit trying to figure how someone else did it, or trying to copy the exact path someone else followed to ‘make it’. You are not them, but more importantly, they are not you.

Use you/Y.O.U for the betterment of someone else and you’ve found happiness; silence the noisy voices of this clueless raving mad world, listen to God. Listen to your heart – and you’ve found you

Why am I writing this to you? First to tell you, remind you, clearly of your impending death, and to ask you to QUIT complaining! You have things to do. A major mark to leave on this world, get to it!

I don’t even want to hear any of your tired excuses..i can’t just…’ or the usual ‘How do you expect me to simply…’

Oh puhleease…

There’s no second shot. No ‘later I will’. LIFE IS NOT A TEST DRIVE!!! This is ALL you have. One shot and it’s over. So quit it with the petty excuses


No More Excuses. No More Delays. Why’re you still reading this anyway? Drop this RIGHT NOW and get out a sheet of paper and start to list all the things we’re going to accomplish in the next two hours. RIGHT NOW

Don’t even play games with me. I know you, remember? I AM YOU. What do you mean that you don’t have any dreams? No plans? I know that little thing in the back of your head that you’ve been trying to ignore for years. That thing you would have really loved to do but ‘this is Nigeria and those kind of things don’t work here’.

For the sake of both of us, be quiet and obey Nike


Yes I know it costs money, Umm-hmm I know you are not qualified for it. I know there’s no time. We can continue talking about it while you start doing it.

What if you fail? What’s the worst that can happen? You don’t make any money. So what? You don’t become a superstar – and then? Wetin Happen?

God is real. Y.O.U’re real. Love it or hate it. Admit it or not.


You Are Dying. You Are Not A Clone. Accept It. I Am Your Own Uniqueness. Accept Me. You Have A Dream. Dreams….plural, but it all starts with just one…

Just Do It!


You want to know HOW to do it? How to write me back? How to get your dreams out of your head and into reality? There’s a sheet of paper after this that can get you started

This is a long letter, but this is it. The rest is up to YOU. Please extend my greetings to the family and your friends – you’ve hidden me from them for a while but I hope I’ll meet them soon…
I hope they get to meet Y.O.U…

Yours Sincerely


Posted by on May 22, 2010 in Uncategorized



>Now, this one is for my guys with all your swag and style…do read, ponder and act/change


I consider it a great honour and privilege to be writing to you, mighty man of valour.

A few days ago, I posted a thought on FaceBook, speaking to women, about Becoming the Woman of His Dreams. I wanted women to understand the age old question of “what do men want”?

In that note, I was able to outline the 3 types of men that were out there:

• The Scavenger
• The Hunter
• The Gardener

Time doesn’t allow me to redefine these concepts over again, but if you haven’t read it, do take some time out to read that particular article on the “Notes” section of my FaceBook page.

I was particularly touched by the comments made by the ladies; in response to it. It’s sad that they seem to be surrounded by either scavengers or hunters. I know that’s not who you are.

I know that you’re a gardener.

So, why am I here? I just wanted to “talk” to you for a bit.

To become the dream husband that your dream spouse is looking for, there are a few things that I think you should know.

• You must have VISION: As God’s man and the head of your home – to – be, vision is very important! Your vision is a picture of your future destination (yours and hers). A man without vision is blind. While I was dating and eventually married Tara, I would paint pictures of where God was taking me, and where inevitably, I was taking her. Even though my location denied my vision, there was something about the force of my convictions that inspired her to take a “crazy” leap of faith to believe in me.

At this time, I was “broke, busted and disgusted”, living in a small “one bedroom room” in a boys’ quarters, had only a mattress, cane dustbin and one chair. But I knew where I was going, who was taking me there, even if I didn’t know how I was going to get there! If you have no vision, don’t get involved in a relationship! Wait until you get one! Most men want women to submit to them and they throw a fit when they don’t. But take a look at the word “submission”. It’s a compendium of 2 words; “sub” (meaning under) and “mission” (meaning purpose or intent). For a woman to “submit”, she must first understand your mission before she can “sub” to it. What’s your mission? Where there’s no mission, there can be no submission!

• You must take ACTION: Vision without action is only a dream! You know the saying; “if wishes were Range Rovers’, everyone would drive”. But it’s not what you drive that matters, it’s what drives you!

Too many men talk, without having corresponding action. One of my sons, Remi Dairo always says; “those who take steps, get help”. You’ve got to take steps!

While I was still living in that room, I started my company (then called V.I.P Consulting). I had no computer, no internet access, no printer, no tables nor chairs. But in my vision, I hired 2 staff! Since we had no tables or chairs, Tara and I would take out our bed in the morning, my “staff” and I would sit on the bed and cane dustbin as our “office”. Every morning, for 2 weeks, I facilitated an induction process for them! We had no clients at the time and seemingly, nothing else to do, but I would pump them for hours, telling them what this great company was going to do! Then, we would write our proposals and send them out to our clients. We didn’t just “talk the talk”, we “walked our walk”. Today, I walk in the vision I saw 10 years ago! Take steps now! Don’t just talk about it! Do it and let others talk about it!

• You must have WORK: I didn’t say you must have a job, I said you must have work! What’s the difference? From your job, you can make a living, but from your work, you find your life’s purpose. Remember that in Scripture, God put Adam into the garden to tend it and take care of it. But don’t get me wrong, a job is important! Like it or not, women are wired to recognize that a job means security. Women recognize the long term effects of being in a relationship with you. They’ll analyze whether or not you can take care of them, and inevitably, the children. You must be either be gainfully employed (with a job), gainfully employable (you’re the right candidate for employment in the process of getting a job) or gainfully employing (entrepreneur or business owner)! You must have the ability to stick to a course of action. Too many men are distracted. Don’t chase money! Let money chase you. Look for problems, proffer solutions that add value and naturally, wealth follows value as a reward.

• You must respect your BODIES: Most men have the ability to have relationships with many women over the course of a lifetime, but a REAL MAN is one that has the ability to stick with ONE WOMAN for ALL OF HIS LIFETIME! You must set the standards for physical intimacy in your relationship.
I know it’s not easy, but you must set boundaries for yourselves.

That means you can’t be alone in a room together, if you know that it causes you to fall and make mistakes. Meet in open places in full view of people. Don’t start what you know you can’t finish! There’s no point! The cost to both of you is high! I don’t believe in “safe sex”, I believe in “saved sex” (which is sex within the boundaries of marriage)! Can you handle the consequences of a few minutes of pleasure and a lifetime of regret and guilt? If you can’t remain celibate till marriage, then, get married. I know it sounds old fashioned, “everyone’s doing it”. That’s not true. God holds you to a much higher standard. Deal with your thoughts, because your mind will determine what your body does.

• Girls date guys, but marry MEN! You can’t believe the number of times I hear “Fela, there are no good men in church. All we see are boys”. That’s really sad! My dear gardener, women are extremely perceptive. They can look at you and instantly tell where you’re going! They know if you’re going somewhere in a hurry or nowhere fast! Don’t sag your trousers. It’s not the “responsible look”. Make sure your nails are well trimmed (don’t save that last multi-purpose finger nail), shine your shoes, smell and look like your future, not your present. Listen, money will determine the quality and quantity of what you wear or buy, but your mindset will determine HOW you wear it! Tara said that she knew how clean and neat I was simply by noticing the arrangement of my books. I would arrange them neatly in ascending order (I’m still like that, by the way)

• You must have the right ASSOCIATIONS: It’s said that “birds of the same feather, flock together”. The Bible even says “that he who walks with the wise, shall himself be wise; but the companions of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20). Who are you walking with? Are they considered wise BY OTHERS (not by you) or otherwise? If you want to be successful, start learning from successful men. I believe that “experience is not the best teacher, but other people’s experience is the best teacher”. When you learn from the experiences of others, it shortens your learning curve. Women can tell where you’re going, simply by looking at your associations!

• You must have the right COVER!

As Christ is the Head of the Church, you are the head of your family, but you must have cover. A covering could be a mentor that you respect and are in submission to. This must be a person of integrity, whose instruction you value and who has the right to call you to order if need be. A man without a cover is like a city without walls! Women recognize that if you’re not “under cover”, you may have no regard for authority. Your relationship with God comes first! You cannot lead your home, if God does not lead you. I don’t mean the regular act of Sunday worship or Friday prayers, you must have a relationship with God that goes beyond your religion.

Before I got married, I’d developed the habit of hearing from God. For example, God had told me that I was to get married on my 30th birthday, so I knew that I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend.

Over time, Tara knows that when I say “God said…” she knows that I’ve heard from God. Why? Because it’s been proven over time that I hear from God.

Every time God asked me to give out a car, it was by instruction. I heard Him first. You must never use God’s Word to you to manipulate your spouse; that amounts to witchcraft! Get a word from God before you get married; ask Him if who you’re with is your wife or not.

Remember, I believe in you and I trust that as a true gardener, you will see women as seeds to nurture and bring out their potential, not as prey to satisfy or gratify your needs for conquest as hunters do. Stick with one woman and bring out all that God has pushed into her.

Make me proud!

The proof of a good gardener is his garden.

I know you’ll take care of yours.


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Posted by on May 18, 2010 in Uncategorized


>Finding your Natural Habitat

>It’s a great day!

A lot of people have constantly asked “how do I discover my passion and my purpose”?

This blog is an answer to that question.

Today, I’d like to share secrets to what I call “Finding Your Natural Habitat”.

Every creature created by God has a natural habitat where it functions to the best of its ability. Let me explain. Where’s a bird’s natural habitat? Of course, in the air! What about a fish’s natural habitat? In water, isn’t it?

Birds exhibit amazing abilities when they are in their element; air. Fish swim so gracefully when immersed in water. Have you ever seen a bird that died from too much flying? Or a fish that died from drowning because it swam too much? Of course not! So, the question is, “Where’s my natural habitat”?

I’m glad you asked.

You were designed to fulfil purpose. God sent you to earth to discover it and die fulfilling it! Anything outside that purpose becomes an abuse of purpose. You’ve heard it said that “when the purpose of a thing is unknown, abuse is inevitable”. Look at the word abuse; what does it mean?

Abuse is the compendium of two words. “ab” and “use”. “Ab” means abnormal and “use” of course, means to use. Therefore, to abuse means an “abnormal use”. Are you using your gift abnormally?

I always say, “God’s greatest desire is for you to do for a FEE, what He created you to do for FREE”!

Think about it. When we mention golf, what name comes to mind? Tiger Woods! Okay, what about free kicks? Beckham! Women’s’ Tennis? Did I hear u say Venus or Serena Williams? Information Technology? Bill Gates! Okay, so when I mention your name, what comes to mind? I don’t mean to be rude, but if your name’s mentioned and nothing comes to mind, could it infer that your name is a code? A code is a group of undecipherable alphabets, symbols or numbers that you key into a system that sends you an error in return.

Type this into your cellphone. #555*1*2*kmji12377839987*SEND. What does it give you? UNKNOWN APPLICATION!!! Therefore, if your name doesn’t come to mind for anything, do forgive me again, it’s an UNKNOWN APPLICATION! Now’s a good time to say God Forbid! Tiger Woods LOVES playing golf, it’s not a job to him, it’s fun! He gets paid to have fun! Jayjay Okocha has fun dribbling people and gets paid for it. You should see me do what I do, I HAVE A BLAST speaking, it’s fun and I get paid huge sums!

Question is; what can you do for fun and still get paid for it?

Let me assist in curbing your dilemma. Would you like to discover your natural habitat? Well, here are 22 questions that I came up with; that I believe will help you. Here we go.

1. Am I happy with my results?

2. Would I like to grow doing what I do today?

3. Is what I am doing today using my natural talents and personality?

4. Would I like to be the best ever at what I am doing today?

5. What one thing do I need to do/ change that would make the greatest positive impact on my life?

6. Who is doing something closest to my dreams?

7. What would I like to be successful doing?

8. What area would I like to make a positive impact?

9. What would I like to be remembered for the most?

10. What mind blowing accomplishment would I like my name stamped on?

11. Michael Jordan – Basket ball, Tiger Woods – Golf, Bill Gates – Computers etc. What field would I like my name to define?

12. What do I do best with least effort?

13. What kind of assistance/ help do people ask me for most frequently?

14. In what area, do people show me the greatest regard/ respect/ accolade??

15. What can I do for fun and still earn money?

16. What frustrates me the most when it’s poorly done?

17. I usually lose track of time when I am…..?

18. I would like to win an award for excellence in….?

19. Which of all human needs touches my heart the most?

20. I am the solution, what is the problem?

21. Who has the problem? Describe as accurately as possible.

22. Which magazines/ discussions interest me the most?

Take some time out to honestly answer these questions and they will point you in the direction of your natural habitat.

Stay blessed guys

culled from; FELA DUROTOYE!

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Posted by on May 17, 2010 in Uncategorized



>Hey guys,
This is officially my first blog post, yippee!! well, its not my usual thing really but it’s something i really would love to put out there for all my ladies especiaaly those caught up in Beyonce’s ‘Single ladies’ anthem.

so here goes guys..and oh! by the way, it’s culled from my mentor and leader: Fela Durotoye..


Ladies, why do you want to get married?

Is it because you’ve fantasized about the wedding day, or is it because your friends are getting married, or could it be pressure from family and friends who constantly remind you of the ticking of your biological clock? I assure you that those are all the wrong reasons to get married.
To many women fantasize about the WEDDING DAY, and don’t prepare for the MARRIAGE.
The truth is, the marriage begins when the wedding ends.

So why then should you get married?

Forget the fairy tales, marriage is a covenant of two imperfect people coming together, committing their lives together forever, to create a union under God.

So what are the steps to getting the man of your dreams?

Step 1: Be the right woman:

What kind of wife would your dream husband be looking for?
Single ladies; please remember that as a woman thinks in her heart, so she “is”; not will be. Simply put, your thoughts, values, habits and words can tell any man, the kind of wife that you “are”, even though you are not married yet.

Step 2: Become a wife, while you’re waiting for a husband

Ladies, please recognize that “guys DATE chics and then go on to MARRY wives”. If the truth be told, there are too many Christian chics and too few Christian wives (or “wife material”) in Church today. Ask yourself, “am I a chic or a wife?” Who must I BE to attract who I WANT. Sweetheart, the man of your dreams isn’t hanging around in a bar or at a club, so what are you doing there?

Step 3: Who must be to attract who I want?

Write down the list of qualities that you want your husband to have. Now look at that list carefully. What have you written? God fearing, Intelligent, Good Communicator, Gainfully employed, Clean, Fun, has a car, apartment, has money etc.

Now, ask yourself, does your list consist more of “what he has” or “who he is”? If it’s driven by what he has, then, you may be driven by the external props and anybody can fake that. “Sharp” guys can borrow their friends’ cars, apartment, money etc, but the intangibles of “who he is” cannot be faked. Character, truth, integrity, passion can’t be faked.

If you want a God fearing man, are you God fearing? If you want an intelligent man, can you hold up your end of a conversation? You want a man who’s gainfully employed, do you have a job?

When I began dating Tara, I was quick to inform her that I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but a wife. She thought that was the most unromantic thing I’d ever said, but she appreciated the fact that I was honest with her from the get go. Ladies, marry a man for “who he is”…even if the world hasn’t seen it yet; rather than for “what he has”, because what he has can be taken away from him, but who he is will be all that’s left.

When Tara and I began dating, I was living in a small “one room, room” where I had to share a communal toilet and bathroom with several families (one of my cooks used to be my neighbor). All my property (TV, electronics fridge, and other appliances) had been sown by instruction to build a campus ministry in OAU, Ife, called Eden. All I had left was a cane dustbin, a mattress and a carpet with a hole in the middle (which the bed thankfully covered).

But there was much more to me than what I didn’t seem to have. I was always talking about my vision, what our life would be, where I was taking her to and I was also TAKING ACTION STEPS to get us there. Ladies, beware of the man who only talks the talk, but doesn’t WALK THE WALK! He must have corresponding action with his words.

Sometime ago, about 3 years ago, Tara and I were invited to a TV interview, and the host asked me what was imperative for women to look for in a man. I remember saying. “Don’t marry a man for his “television”, marry a man who has vision and one day; his vision will put you on television”!

So ladies, please understand that there are 3 types of men:

1. The Scavenger: The scavenger is a man who capitalizes on a “dead” and “lifeless” woman. Scavengers look for women with low self – esteem, filled with pity and act like victims of life. These men prefer ladies with no inner strength that are always begging for sympathy or for someone, anyone to love them. Scavengers enjoy “no resistance” as they ravage their victims. If you’re like me, I enjoy watching Discovery Channel and Animal Planet on DSTV. I’ve discovered that in the animal kingdom, scavengers include animals like the hyena and the vulture. If you notice, these scavengers often look for the weak, sick or young, helpless animals that offer the least resistance.

Are you attracting scavengers? If you are, you need to shore up your self confidence and self esteem.

2. The Hunter: The hunter seeks to trap a luscious “game”, with the sole intention of devouring her; with only a remnant of a carcass. He looks for a beautiful intelligent woman, whom he considers to be a prize possession. This guy isn’t in the hunt, just to fulfill his desires, no, he’s after what hunters regard as “BIG GAME”. He’s looking for the “Big 5”. These are the 5 most difficult animals to catch on foot. The collection consists of the lion, the African elephant, the African Buffalo, the leopard and the rhinoceros, either the black rhinoceros or the white rhinoceros. The members of the big five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them.

He’s inspired by the thrill of the chase. The more she runs, the more enticing she becomes. He only wants her as a prize. When the hunter overcomes his quarry, the first thing he does is to decapitate it. Once beheaded, it is skinned and dried and then placed as a trophy on his wall to brag about. Does this sound familiar? The hunter finally gets the girl, eliminates her self esteem and causes her to be a shadow of herself. He kills her dreams, business ideas and her passion. Do you know any hunters? They’re only in for the kill!

3. The Gardener: Now, this is God’s intention for what a husband should be! This man sees his wife as a seed. He recognizes that a seed is a tree in disguise! His responsibility is to nurture and bring out the best from her. One of the things a gardener does is to create the right environment for the seed to grow.

He nurtures her in an environment of love and care. Next, after planting, he waters her. What that means is that he’s concerned about her dreams; he wants to know what makes her tick. He takes her dreams and gives them expression; he puts structure and substance to her ideas. When he talks about her dreams, he uses the plural of “we”. He takes personal responsibility for the accomplishment of her dreams. He also removes weeds around her. He gets rid of all negative associations that are around her.

Another thing the gardener does is to prune her. Pruning means to “cut back”. So he cuts back her excesses. It reminds me of those wall plants that grow so long, over other fences and eventually becomes a nuisance to everyone. Sometimes, cutting back is a painful process to the plant, but it is necessary for the plant to develop the tenacity for explosive growth. He cuts excessive, improper behavior, value systems and friendships. But this in all is done in love with the aim to make her better. He enlightens and encourages her to be all that she can be, to do all that she can do and to enjoy all that she can have.

The wife of a gardener is like the path of the righteous; she shines brighter and brighter. She never has a better last year. She’s always growing and glowing with new ideas, new projects and new levels. Her testimonies are full of promotion, profit and new experiences. Her life is every inch, the dream of other women.

Clearly, what all these 3 kinds of men seek in their dreams is as far apart as the east is from the west. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think God created man to be a hunter or scavenger. My Bible tells me in the Book of Genesis that the man God created and formed was assigned to tend the GARDEN of Eden. This tells me that the first man was clearly designed and wired to be a gardener and it was that man God thought shouldn’t be alone.

As far as I’m concerned, every hunter & scavenger deserves to be a bachelor until they change their values, desires and dreams. I certainly hope that I can speak for all gardeners in this article.

The evidence of a good gardener is his GARDEN. Take a look at my garden – TARA, and you can tell if I am a good gardener. And even though I know there’s great room for improving my gardening skills.

I hope this note helps you sort out the gardeners from the rest.

I believe in you and I know you’re going to make one lucky man very happy very soon

Expecting your wedding invites soon.



Posted by on May 14, 2010 in Uncategorized