Do YOU?

This post is very impromptu, disorganised and is the result of the demand from the people for a post (Now I know How Moses felt when they asked for water) *sigh*

Its common knowledge that the most ignored part of most negotiations is the ‘Terms of Agreements’ especially if its almost 10 pages long (which is mostly the case). Many partnerships have failed, businesses have crashed and people have felt cheated all because they didn’t have the patience to read through 10 paged small print of legal jargon.

Who can blame them though?

This right here though, is a MUST read! Yes! If you don’t, well (I’ll try compose a BC to that effect)…Every business , transaction or interaction between 2 people normally has terms of Agreement n this binds the parties involved once they agree.. So I was thinking, it won’t be a bad idea to have dating terms of Agreements signed by both parties before they embark on the relationship…remember that verbal agreements hold no water so this will be typed out and signed by both ‘dater’ and ‘datee’

Feel free to download and use after reading.

DATING TERMS OF AGREEMENT BETWEEN _________ and ___________ dated this _____ day of______ 2___

His part.

1. I am the man in this relationship, whether I wear pants, boxers or G-string, I am still the man and should be treated as such.
2. I shall NOT be compared to any other man living or dead, especially your Ex.
3. I am your boyfriend NOT your Father, so he is responsible for bringing you up and maintaining you. I am responsible for bringing ‘me’ up and maintaining yours..#GoFigure
4. I love you BUT I love my boys too #NoHomo so do NOT interrupt when you see me with them, it falls hand.
5. Never ask me where I am at 10pm, I will lie or talk nonsense.
6. You see me with any girl, let your default thought be “oh wow! A new sister”
7. Do NOT discuss our sex life (if existent) with your friends except you’re suggesting a threesome
8. Movies, Credit, Lunch and all that fun stuff shall last 3 weeks into the relationship after that we will buy #150 dvd, make our own chicken etc
9. You will NOT move more than 4 articles of. Clothing to my room/house. These are Towel, panties and bra…the fourth is a french maid apron thingy 🙂
10. In the event of arguments, do NOT smash any of my plates or ornaments. Walahi, you will pay for them o!
11.Because I have a car doesn’t make me YOUR driver, and the front seat isn’t your right, get over yourself!
12. You cannot have more than 10 male BBM contacts, 5 must be from your family, 4 from your church..then I.
13. If you EVER ‘lol’ ‘lmao’ etc at any guys tweets. Prepare to explain why…
14. You CANNOT follow TweetOracle…#ThatIsAll
15. Don’t EVER be fooled, girls DON’T run the world! Except the world is a synonym for kitchen
16. We are dating. This is NOT marriage, we will NEVER wear the same cloth material.
17. I have sole access to ALL parts of your body, others should NOT even get a full hug. Handshake or side hug kpere!
18. Money will be given to you as I deem necessary, I do NOT work in a bank, even if I do #IsItMyMoney?
19. If u want to give me a nickname, names like Stud, The Rock, ChuckNorris etc are cool, NEVER! I repeat NEVER call me your TeleTubby or ChubbyWobby…
20. If by mistake you ever catch me on top of or underneath another woman, don’t break the flow, wait till I’m done then verbally attack.

Her Part

1. I am the Woman, I am NOT weak in sex or any other thing..don’t make me prove it.
2. In every argument, I have the LAST word, whatever else you say will start a new one apart from ‘Yes Dear!’
3. Whatever you did while toasting me, you better make sure you continue cos face it, there are others waiting to get on this bus!
4. I will cook when I’m hungry, you will buy US take-away when YOu are hungry.
5. If/when I come to your house for the weekend, the remote is mine and we will ‘do’ if I feel like ‘doing’
6. Bags, BIS , Brazilian hair etc are your responsibility…prove you can take care of me.
7. NEVER take any of my friends out
8. In the club, you dance with only me or any of my ugly, harmless friends I send your way cos I wanna grind some hot guy.
9. When I ask you ‘how I look?” Any answer apart from “beautiful” might make you lose me
10. I’m a late comer, NEVER on time… #goFigure
11. If you do NOT use my/our picture on your BBM DP at least 4 times in a week, its over!
12. What is yours is mine, what is mine is mine!
13. If you invite your friends over without telling me, prepare to attend to them cos either way I’ll have somewhere to go
14. Whenever I say I’m on my period, accept it like that.
15. You will celebrate every occasion for me: childrens day, workers day, eid-el-maulud, Good friday, Martin Luther King day, ALL…with gifts!

I have read and hereby agree to these terms of agreement…bla bla bla…

Signed
________________ and. ________________

Pls peeps, this is just a figment of my imagination NOT my stance o! Abeg don’t koba me o! Anyway, do share the points you would love to have in a potential TOA form use the comment box…adios!

PS: I’ll be doing the Female version of ‘SensEablE’ on a friend’s blog as a guest…so watch out for that and other exciting ish too…VERY SOON