Aloha my people. Its that time of week again where we give ‘voice’ to other writers to share stuff with us.
Today’s guest is no stranger to blogville. I made the mistake of reading his blog and ever since, I’ve been hooked. Crazily funny does no justice in describing him. He’s simply out-of-this-world. Without much ado, Ladies, Gentlemen and those sexually confused, enjoy @Terdoh
First of all, before we start, I want to congratulate Oga Ke_v #WithAnL for winning the only award every blog comedian was craving for. No be small thing! He has become my sworn enemy whether he likes it or not. Yeah. That aside, I know everyone says “It’s an honor to be on such a renowned blog, I hope I can live up to expectations”, fuck that shit men! I am planning to reduce the humor bar on the blog as much as I can. Believe it or yes, by the time I am done with this post, you won’t visit this site again!!! Mark my words!
(Insert my score here abeg)
Okay, on to the boring post.
I. Love. Dumb. Girls! INSTANT TURNON!!!!!
Okay. *pauses to focus on growing erection*
What (or who, in this case) is a dumb girl? A dumb girl, or Bimbo, is a creative piece of art strategically placed on the surface of God’s lovely earth to enable any member of the male homo sapien species, who possess any minute form of brain power, effectively reproduce, replenish and fill the earth.
Definition toh behd yo! Did it myself! *shines golden tooth*
Yes, so we have defined a Bimbo as a very attractive woman who is thick in the skull. That is not all. She has to have loose morals. When I say loose, I mean LOOSE, like Yar’ Adua’s hold on the presidential seat. Rest In Peace soul brava.
Now, lemme go straight to the point, I absolutely love dumbos! They drive me crazy! Nuts! *no pun intended* A lot of people went hard in the “What men want” era, *side eye at Kelvin* and I found myself asking, do men really (REALLY) want a smart chick?
Smart chicks are hard to fool. And possessive smart chicks are the average guy’s worst nightmare! “Where were you? What have you been doing? Who were you with? I recorded all your phone conversations on my iPad, and I know who you’ve been talking to. I called Jay, and he said he hasn’t seen you all day. I left cameras in your office, you weren’t there. Don’t lie to me! I know when you’re lying! Your pupils dilate and your heart beats at the rate of 324 times every 90 seconds. And I crosschecked your call log. You said you tried my number and it wasn’t going? Well, I can’t see my number in there!”
Meanwhile, a brother just went to have shayo with the boys for the first time in 2 years.
You really don’t want that.
You want a dumb chick, a bimbo, a Barbie bimbo that goes with the trend and gets impressed when you string incoherent lengthy English words together and get on your Patrick Obahiagbon flow.
Trust me you do. Personal experience talking here.
I went out with this Somalian goddess of light once. She was lovely! Face like two goddesses had lesbian sex and produced her, body like an hour glass that was designed by the Sun god Ra himself, and the best part, was that I could bet that her IQ was negative. Dumber than a blonde that couldn’t speak!
I loved her.
We used to have fun going to various places; beaches, parks, and museums. Oh! Museums! I would get kicks off making my own explanation for different works of art and would mentally climax each time she went “You’re so smart! You know everything!”
One terrible, fateful day, we were texting and she saw the word “Schizophrenia” as my bbm status, and she asked me why it was my bbm stat. I said I thought I was coming down with it owing to the incomprehensible scribbling at the back of my notepad. She said it was not plausible, as schizophrenic patients don’t know that they have schizophrenia.
I was devastated! She used the word ‘plausible’!!
She had become smart!! Overnight? Nooo!!! We broke up two days (and two smart explanations) after. I lost that jewel. Painful shit I tell ya.
Dumb chicks do this thing to me that I don’t understand. They make me cum quicker. No be joke. Sexy, thick-cranium-possessing babes are an instant turn on. I notice them and I go gaga. A babe that I have to explain every joke to, a babe that I can lie to and get away with, a babe that thinks Insomnia is an Asian country, a babe I can practice my blank stare on, a ‘Barbie’.
I like my shawties block headed and proud of it!
I think that’s the end. I hope you were annoyed by the post. Remember not to visit this blog again, or you will see more posts like this, or worse!
You have been warned.
I mean everything I have said in this post! I don’t joke with my emotions. If you are a lovely bimbo and you have read up to this point, and in the back of your head, you’re going “I really fit the criteria, don’t I?” then please call this number 07036283749. Flash me till I don’t pick. :D. As usual, spell checking is for dummies, and all gbagauns are not mine. Please return them to their owners. Thank you.
Read more of @Terdoh’s stuff at http://www.terdoh.wordpress.com