NoLovE 2

22 May

WARNING: This post is LONG!

Disclaimer: The characters in this post are real BUT I did NOT mention any names o! I repeat: I DID NOT MENTION ANY NAMES. Any names implied are at the readers risk. Any attempted attempt to harm this writer should be ‘rethunk’ Yes ‘RETHUNK!” I walk around with a pen knife and I know Kung-Fu, Taekwando, Su-Shi and 10 other dangerous languages!
You have been warned!

The bloggers listed below are some of the plenty that swarm your TL on the regular. All of you know that you have beef for them but fear did not let you talk. Yes I shall be the ‘scapeGoat’ and I shall talk. I may not mention all since almost every seun, ifunnaya and Rasaki attempts to blog. These however are some of the ‘big fish’ as far as I’m concerned and I HATE ’em more than others!

For ease, I shall refer to their twitter handles for description purposes. If u can’t decipher them, you can like to go on a date, camping with Harold, he’ll take u to d end of the world!

*1. This one is an EXperienced School geek. If my sources are correct, she has been writing since 2003! Tori Olórun, why? Ahn ahn, her mates were dancing to sisqo and Dru Hill, she was blogging..she dey write sha!! Even voted Nigerian blogger of d year smtym ago..if she handle your matter eh? Hian! She’s a blogger celeb somebody, even interviewed on Channels that year alongside my hero ‘NaijaFineboy’…see why I hate her?

*2. I don’t know if this one missed his way as an electrician/Technician seeing as he’s always carrying a TOOLbox everywhere. He now ended up in blogsville. This one writes regularly sha, he even has names for d days of his posts and I HATE this guy on a federal level, always having the highest no of comments..small thing that he will write o, 120 comments, then me I will write project and get 7 comments…mtscheeew. He’s like my oga and u know that boys hate their ogas so…

*3. This lepa lady has a twitter handle with initials like a genotype. She’s a sicko, yelzz. How will somebody just wake up and be writing about éléran (meat seller) and somebody’s trouser? Worrahell? And u people will be encouraging her to write more. I once did a collabo with this chic, u know how Eminem murdered JayZ on the renegade song…that’s what she did to me…That’s why I HATE her!!! She gives good ‘mindgasms’ tho and well, lemme just stop!

*4. This biafran lady also shares initials with the aforementioned genotype. Adding an ‘O’ to her first name makes her similar to one terrorist buried at sea, no wonder she’s a sea creature too. She just appeared from where I don’t know and started talking about the gods: Zeus and co.. She doesn’t fear o! Now all the boys are just lining up and her avatars on Twitter ehn esp one backview like that…I HATE her! Nuff said!

*5. Have u seen a polar bear with a chieftaincy title complete with the ‘CAP’ and things? Well this brotha is all that and more..this one is just amazingly intelligent. Little wonder he runs a summer sch presently which I attend sef (can u imagine?) Yes I beef him, no one man should have that much..warrever…*hilzz*

*6. You will think that tall people are all length and no brain, only good for fixing light bulbs since the ones in their heads are constantly faulty but NO! This one, he’s just a blog ashewo. He’s like the lil’ wayne of blogville (jumping fm one blog to another). Some call him prof. His handle sounds like the eBOLA virus..talkin about viruses, He can write about sex and all those bed room stuff but u know what they say now, “empty barrels…”

*7. I think this lady grew up watching too much Titanic and sad endings. Her writing can make onions cry ahn ahn! And OMG! I have NEVER spotted a punctuation error in her articles!! I HATE YOu!! She bears the name of d typical IGBO first daughter with an ‘nia’ at the end. Based on the way she writes, I won’t be surprised if she takes the IGBO stuff too…

*8. This other igbo first daughter is the senior sister of Razz, as in eh ‘Jenifa’ ain’t got nuthin on dis chic. She has facial cheeks that make Sasha look like Asa. This one eh, she writes about the oddest stuff like pepper, the relationshp between illuminatti and cowbell advert. Very annoying! Yeah her handle is the igbo name with ‘hna’

*9. They say “Shayo na Bastehd” so feel free to call dis one bastehd…some call him skilobo, abija (what kind of name is skilobo?). He is a landlord with a tenant called Morufu, a weyrey sha. When he writes sef, it seems he’s under d influence, but his disclaimers ehn? No be here sha, I couldn’t afford his fee for this post so deuces! I HATE u!

*10. Her handle sounds like teleTUBBY. This one can confuse you with her post. D other day she wrote about rainbow, im like WTF? ROYGBIV? WGAF? She keeps complaining that my posts are long so I put her down here to suffer her, yels ke..its all HATE!

*11. Because u yellow no mean say u fine. I don’t know who’s deceiving this one that he’s FRESH or a PRINCe…confirmed ashawo blogger, its the salvation he has that just keeps him, if not his posts will be eyeing all d girls, I see u o!

*12. As far as I know, this one is a confused AFRO carrying BANK man..he will just be beating gong up and down. Where dyu think you are 1960? I’m sorry for u o! You better wake up and smell the paraga…this dude can write deep things—WELL! Gerrit? U don’t? *hilzzz*

*13. This refugee MALLAM has brought his craze here on blogville, this one is undoubtedly the no 1 blog commentator, ah ah!! He shd be working with NTA sports or sth..he writes crazily too though and of course, any threat in my dept is definitely hated so do the math…

There are more but what is it sef? Na me hate pass? And this post is getting too long, but here’s what it is people..for all these guys and lasses and the plenty others not mentioned here, eg ( cece, Adm3on, Mscantfindaname, Olatoxic, cikko, chukyJ, JCPhoenixx, thinkThank, mia, awizii, ekwem) etc..whether we hate ’em or not, they have somehow added value, educated us, shared experiences and stuff…
I hate Bloggers (the lazy ones with boring stuff and nuthin to say), they just join the seeming crowd yet have nothing to offer. I don’t claim to have arrived, and I do support everyone expressing themselves but like they say at Christ Embassy, make sure its “worth hearing/reading as d case is.

I love these PEOPLE though…ma familia… For details of the blog addresses for the abovelisted peeps, hit me up on Twitter, yeah?

*takes a bow* not bow as in bowing but bow as in ready to shoot anyone who steps to me*


Posted by on May 22, 2011 in RantDom


63 responses to “NoLovE 2

  1. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Ur lordship…..

  2. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    I worship u first before ll read…*bows head*

  3. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Okay….*nw scroliing bak up*

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      Yup! Ola seems right…ibeta is doing a good job and abt home breaking? I know not what ola refers to..ok?
      I’m just doing my thing how I know best..darris all!

  4. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Bwuahahaha…I’m readin dis in Church n believe me peeps were lookin at me like I’d gone crazy…
    Great stuff bruv…d mere fact dat u mentioned me wit these Blogging legends is enuf for me mehn…now I can die happy…*now shippin a container of Zobo Imperial Ultimate to Kelvin*…I lur u mehn…#nohomo…

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

      Dude, don’t u do anything else but zobo? JD will work fine.. Tnx man

  5. Andhiii

    May 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    I guess me starting a blog is No No? Right? Urmm… Yes.. 😦 I thought so.
    Ok. Bye.

  6. 0latoxic

    May 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    No. No. No. No. No. You got it all wrong! The no 1 commentator is Ibeta (jus see who has all 1st three comments on this post) followed by the Mallam, this thanks to all the coaching she’s been giving him in the bedroom ie until mr Kelvin came along sha.
    Bloody homebreaker!!

  7. adahna

    May 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    TROLOLOL 😦 😐

  8. Sandie Pandie

    May 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Emi ROYGBIV??? Iwo omo Kelvin yii, ori e o kpe sha! Lmao! U wanted to suffer who? Smh t’imba gba e. Nice one 🙂

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      Oya come an, I like it wen come an…o lénu bi…

  9. wordsofanaries

    May 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    LMAO sick man u r. Nice going redeeming urself. I’m sure there was a lot of folks ready 2 lynch u after yesterday’s post. U just might live after all!

  10. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    @olatoxic …..puahahahahahahaa……

    *nw scrolling bak up…oh yea..d subs..O_o…

  11. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    @Olatoxic…on dis one I concur…altho Ibeta has ulterior motives…hehehehe…
    @Kelvin..I do not deal in JD…if u do not like Zobo goan drink Sprite…

  12. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Puahahaha…..well done on d “bibliograpghy” abi na wetn dem dey cal am…..

    Ds is d reason u were my first Bookmarked blog…very funny and good delivery as always…

    Even if thers no post…I jus stare at d pix on d bookmark sign….*i kno*

  13. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    @mallam pls wot motives ohh???

    I am just admiring God’s work…is it my fault dat d burontashi used during ur conception was mixed with expired fura de nunu???

    Abeg park well!!!!

  14. Slim

    May 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Lmaoo!!! Emi, eleran ke?? If I make meat out of this your small, skinny, haterade body ehn…
    So Jibola is tall?? Nice nice. You’ve given me a new nickname for him. eBOLA!!!
    Kelvin, for this, I’m going to make sure I write this week. About somebody’s phone sef, no be only trouser. Wehdone o!

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      See dis B & H calling Cuban cigar skinny…if I catch u…???
      Meanwyl I dunno who jibola is but u berra perish d tots in ur head or else..
      As for writing dis week, its about time..let’s see whether yankee inspiration is similar to 9ja one…*winks*

  15. dammydiva

    May 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    LOL…different…but I only got 4 😦

  16. Dania

    May 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    LOL! See what I’m saying? You’ve totally lost it…

    I came in at 7??? We have to re-evaluate this our friendship 😐
    For the record I haven’t watched the Titanic…

    Nice one hun, had me in stitches as always (y)

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

      Yes we DO have to re-elevate our friendship! And err…can I do the stitching next time?

  17. pyiz

    May 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Reali nice. I like wat u wrote in number 7. How she can make onions cry dats just hilarious. And pls wats d igbo stuff will reali like 2 know.will hit u up on twitter for their blog addy’s but I know 2 of dem. Once again lovely post.

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

      Gracias…see u on Twitter then!

  18. chinnydiva

    May 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Ibetapassmynebo kilode? E be like say we go exit this zone make only u dey comment ahn ahn! ‎​​L☺l

    KeLvin. You. Are. A. Fool. Buahahahahahahahahaha! This was awesome! And you mentioned most of d people I love so I lovee u as well! 😀

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

      Yay!!! I’m loved *jerking*

  19. SlevinCalevra

    May 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    All the people mentioned in this post are cultists. Yes this group of people are e-cultists. Bloggers, hian! Kelvin now wants to takeover from his ogas… This blog post na SUB. I might be wrong but I have noticed how most people in this crew do not RT Nobs and his crew’s blog post tweets. Rival e-cults? Hehehehe… *Now I’m looking for trouble* Anyway sha, me sef na neophyte blogger and y’all berra’ wash’ out cos a new DON just got into town. Kelvin! Kelvin!! Kelvin!!! How many times did I call you?

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      #BUSTED!!! Someone has snitched and we shall sniff ’em out..well the world is a ghetto and we r all husslers, no be 2day east coast n west coast dey…but I dunno anytn bout any other blog crew…lol
      As for u, ure among my list o! The morufu post was just too lil to judge u..I shall be watching and our ‘masters’ shall decide whether ure worthy of don position or u swim with d fishes like Luca Brasi…
      And oh! U called me 3ce

  20. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    @chinnydiva ahhh…noooooo…pls ohhh….. But dat ur avata shaaaaaaa…..*u wan spoil my mkt*

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:54 pm

      *ahem* the position in that avatar…ibeta, u have to match up or else…

  21. chinietwit

    May 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hehe!…*coughs*….. U dey find trouble ba??

    Been laffin hard…really funny…well done!

  22. thetoolsman

    May 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    KEVIL… yes, I just renamed you. I actually did try the electricians workshop .. thats story for another day.. good post as always, you’re inching closer to your freedom. You need to start saving up for your work tools and aso ebi….

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      *sobs* oga mi, I’ve waited for this day and now its in sight? *catarrh drops slowly from nose* I’m *drags catarrh in, swallows* bursts out wailing…

  23. samanthasiren

    May 22, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    LMAO! Some said “e-cultists”
    Who wants me to name them all?
    Accepting Shawarma and Suya only!
    Hit me up.
    Kevo! La-Blog-Familia
    Got love for you my dude 🙂
    I came at #4, like Dania said
    we need to re-evaluated this relationship o!
    BTW Zeus called me the other day…
    And no more assvatars! I’m re-newed.
    Haha. Thanks boo, hate you too 🙂
    -Biafran Presido.

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

      Oh Zeus resurfaced..hmmm…okay, since u and dania want us to re-elevate ur positions, let’s see who’s ready to give up theirs…
      Love ya muchos senorita!

  24. samanthasiren

    May 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    ^^^ So many Gbagauns in this comment. Make eye like you no see abeg.

  25. samanthasiren

    May 22, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    ps-Mallam is truly the #1 Blog commentator

  26. freshprinz

    May 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    this post brought a much needed smile to my face….just looked back at how my life was a before i got active on twitter and all of u super-creative cats. too frigging dull. now every morning at 10am i patiently check thru my list of blogs like a crack-addict desperate for a fix.
    kelvin: love ur mind bro, always dishing out smart stuff and its always laced with a lot of humor…
    slim: truckload of creativity, u know i think u should write a fantasy novel…like a Lord of the rings for black ppl.
    mr. tula: ur consistency amazes me, plus the fact that u always have a something controversial but true to talk about. and yeah, u write beautifully…
    sam: strangely enough i more or less stalk u…tweets, blogposts but half the time u leave me speechless so i don’t say anything. ur passion is inspiring, be it when u’re raising the flag with the half of a yellow sun, or analyzing lyrics by pac or common, or dissing ISL boiz….lol. “your mind is maze where the colours of the walls always change”
    dania: already know know how much i love ur work. the sadness speaks to me like a classic country song. beautiful stories well told….:).
    yeah, u guys add a lot of color to my previously bland days….thanks.

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

      Awww…I like how u took time 2hail most of ’em here.
      U and sam eh? Both of u shd do a’ll probably be X-rated but I’d so love to read that *clears throat*
      It aint in the position jare..y’all are special in ur own ways…
      Tnx bruv!

  27. freshprinz

    May 22, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    btw, i shud be upset that i came in at 9 but since i’m a big fan everyone on the list and even those mentioned at the end i guess i’m just glad to be mentioned at all….:)

  28. freshprinz

    May 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    and yeah, how cud i forget: mr.sawalehsawyerr: u probably have the weirdest mind of all. the sort of things ur zobo inspired high comes up with is just brilliant. u’ve probably got the potential to write a bestselling adventure novel if only u’d take this writing thing a bit more seriously. (anything better than one post a month will be greatly appreciated…lol)

  29. Skilobo

    May 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Ori bobo yi o pe at all…..e don tey wey i write sef…..and Oga freshprinz wey dey always blog instead of comment, na me be #9 not u…..*sips alomo*

  30. Betty

    May 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    So, I don’t count because I have not a blog.. Eh? *now jumping out of this moving vehicle*

    • Kelvin

      May 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm

      Betty my UberDiva, u definitely are one of my faves..I stalk u on afrosays and u r darn good babe…forgive me love…MWAH!

  31. freshprinz

    May 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    the first two don’t count jor…in my opinion they shudnt be on this list. Their werey over pass my own…

  32. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    All of una wey dey vex about ur relative position on d list remember sey som ppl no even dey d list o…me I no fit even shout sef…when dem born me for bloggin wey I go vex…n as for my position on d blog commentary list…y’all r far too kind…I can think of a few other peeps who comment even more than I do…
    N like Vick said in his post within a post…hehehe…I’m now a bloody blog-whore thanks to u guys…n I’m proud of it…

  33. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    @Vick…my Sawaleh Presido…tainzabunsh for d compliment…hehehe…one shilled bottle of Zobo Classic for u…hehehe…n I will take d writin seriously…gaskiya…una dey ginger me well well…

  34. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Haba a whole Uber Betty…oya Kelvin…shalaye fun o…ko to para e…

  35. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Hahaha….u guys c’mon fighting for position…pfft..kmt..rme..

    @ kelvin…I dnt need red lipstick or waheva to show am sexy…mallam can testify as to why he jus can’t let go…

    Plus…really all I see is number 1 to waheva….rme..
    And am like kelvin’s numba ‘ZERO’….. Go figure….*indices shurgs*

  36. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    @Ibeta…lmao…I can’t let go ba…okay o…na Kelvin cause our separation…will he be d one to cause our final fission…I rili wonder…

  37. ibetapassmyneighbour

    May 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    @mallam …..seriously!!!!….DUDE!!!! Go sip ur zobo and rot in ur misery….”kevil”….he is a ‘god’ an adonis…I worship him … ready to walk naked from oluku junction to 1st circular jus for him to even smile….

    Don’t u just get it??? Why is it sooo hard??? Its not the PERIODIC TABLE!!!!!

    *np let me go – 3 doors down*

  38. fenelee

    May 22, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Hardly used to read blogs. I’m a recent addict. I’m learning so much from them & of course enjoying the humour. You guys are achieving ‘disturbing’ levels of creativity. Big ups to my favorite: KevinwitanL, TheToolsman and Chronicles of Dania. #OneLove

  39. musingsofagidimallam

    May 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    *sigh* well Kelvin..all I’v gotta say is I’m thrilled for u bruv…as for me…*np Mobolowowon…D’Banj*

  40. cecenostockings

    May 23, 2011 at 3:33 am

    And now that MTN has decided to let me comment, I’m not the mood again. Mscheeeew. But, appaz, Ibeta is sha not playing with this Kevin matter (y)

  41. cecenostockings

    May 23, 2011 at 3:42 am

    Oh! Oh! Thank you Kevin!!! ^_^ (I will not fuss about how my name is in a bracket)

  42. kblewin

    May 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

    i was almost worried when i read the part 1 of this… i shudnt hv been. u delivered, like always(the sanitary pad 😐 )

    i shall now proceed to endanger my brain and sanity by reading the blogs of the crazy pple mentioned here :|… God help me
    #ThumbsUp bro

  43. honeysucklebelle

    May 29, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Stupid post, really. Never been so disappointed

    • Kelvin

      May 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

      Awww…and I thot I tried…*wails loudly*

  44. darkchic

    May 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    LOL! Nice! Really Nice! & very true too! Hehe! Good work KEVIL….now let’s see if we can get 150 comments to whoop the electrician’s blog in the anus! Hehe!

    • Kelvin

      May 30, 2011 at 5:23 pm

      Hhaaha…tnz a millie darkchic…as for the ‘electrician’, I’m gonna shock him soon! Lol

  45. gretel

    July 1, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    oneword – wowwwww,I love yhur blog,how can I follow?

    • Kelvin

      July 1, 2011 at 6:39 pm

      Just subscribe on the e-mail link on the webpage…thanx a lot!


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