Yes! Yes! I know what I said about my next post being serious but I just couldn’t resist the urge to do this..let’s call this a ‘Pre serious Post interlude’ shall we? Ok, thanks *jumping*
Well, its no longer news that O.B.L(herein referred to as Sammy) is dead, it’ll be news though if you get your news from NTA or The Sun newspaper (Nigerian version). You will hear about it tomorrow. But if u are reading this, then u know already! So how did this happen? I mean here’s a man who has been hunted down for 10 years and then all of a sudden, he is killed on May 1st (workers day) when he was probably resting after a long day ‘at work’.
Its not fair..yes! Its not, why did they wait for a public holiday? Ehn! What? Its not a public holiday in jand? Abegii…anyways sha, the man with the most popular beard in history is now dead.(Who are we bearded people gonna emulate now that beard are in fashion…ah well, Fally Ipupa still dey)
So, What went wrong? Well, information reaching me points to two theories..
#Theory 1: after discovering that he wasn’t invited for the Royal wedding on friday, Osama logged into Twitter and began to rant using the handle @Queen_UK as a decoy. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to turn off his location!
#Theory 2: while looking for a next target, Osama’s son comes into the room and says “dad, foursquare is gradually becoming a large gathering of people! U should consider it as a target”…and so uncle Sammy logs into foursquare (not knowing his son was referring to the church) and before you know it, the CIA gets a pop up notification..”Sam (his codename) is at Abottabad”…
Without wasting time, President Oby was contacted, he was busy with Michellin as they were having their usual “oh-bama, what’s my name” sessions..he gave the go ahead and asked Jack Bauer to be briefed.
Jack and Chuck Norris were summoned and the rest is history..they took out ALL the terrorists and then shot sammy in the head.
Reports say that Sammy was engaged in Call of Duty, BLACK OPS when the 2 men stormed the mansion. He thought it was virtual reality so he didn’t pay it much attention! It was when his young wife asked for Jack Bauer’s autograph that he got jealous and grabbed his rifle!
So now, CNN breaks the news, Uncle Barry gives a speech, Americans are jubilant. Michellin is mad horny, Donald is looking for new accusations to ‘trump’ up, Nigerians are happy that there’s sth better to tweet/talk about rather than Karen’s future falling of our hand in the BBA house! But wait a minute! Now we are told that sammy has been sent to a water bed?
Why give someone who brought pain to many such comfort? I mean, most of the 9/11 victims were buried in rubble and sammy gets a water bed?! WTF!!! Now him and his 70 male virgins can have water bed sex which is a fantasy for most of us..sorry..most of you (without d male virgins sha)! Yes! This is a conspira’sea’..I mean I’m at sea as to why he wasn’t just burnt or killed again…yes o! I’m heartless like that!
They say Hitler died on May 1, Sammy too May 1..my conclusion? The evil that men do catches up with them on may 1..abeg when did Habacha die again? America has so many secrets, we would never know the true story of 1/5/11…haha! Here’s another conspiracy, I just thot this one up o, so gimme d credit (Etisalat preferrably)
1/5/11 = (1+5)/11 = 6/11…turn the 6 around = 9/11 …yay!!! All that twitter maths, I knew it was for something!
So is sammy dead or not? We might never know, except Kanye stumbles on some top secret ish or Chloe O’brien can be forced to talk (but we all know she’s in love with jack so..shrugs)…ah well, the bottomline is Barry shall get re-elected after such a feat, Donald’s ambitions are trumpcated…we are going to need a new world villain..oh no need sef! The world ends in 19days, then d antichrist shall come, yeah he’s d one! *exhales* like I tweeted “some said when Arsenal beats ManU and Osama is caught, then d world is surely ending”…emmm…need more proof? Scared yet?
Till my serious post comes, which is soon..its Your Bwoi…
*continues playing Call of duty with Mutallab*